meet four of the players

Golf: A typical foursome
by Carmen Tassone

     Golf. What a silly game. A golfer hits a tiny white ball as hard as he or she can, only to chase it down to hit it again. All in hopes of sinking it into a three inch cup with the least amount of strokes. I've played this silly little game for about nine years, and I still haven't got the hang of it. But I have to admit, I love the game. And since I've been playing, I've noticed many types of golfers, but here are just four typical golfers that I see a lot on the golf course: the beginner, the hacker, the weekender, and the master. (Which type I fall under is anyone's guess.)
Jumping Duffer      First we have the beginner (or duffer) who is a golfing fan, and who enjoys playing the game, but who has yet to grasp the essence of the sport. He rents clubs from the clubhouse and wears sneakers on the course. It's like bowling with a pair of house shoes and ball; inconsistency and shoddy play are normally the end result. The duffer could improve his game if he'd only invest in a pair of comfortable golf shoes and a set of clubs that fit his build and swing. The duffer normally will triple bogey the course, but he always comes away from the game with a sense of accomplishment. Basically, a duffer isn't very good, but he accepts his shortfalls and plays for enjoyment.
Frustrated Hacker      Next there is the rare hacker who is the golfing community's ugly stepchild. He uses the foot wedge more times than not to recover from a bad lie, and he frequently gripes about how hard the sand is in the traps. A hacker has no self control and cares very little about golf etiquette. He quite often runs his mouth while others are putting or teeing off, and he'll never rake the sand when he's finally out of a bunker. A hacker commonly tests the aerodynamics of his clubs, which will normally travel further than his drives. He's usually found near water hazards or hacking away at high weeds with a low iron in search of a lost ball, which was the product of a slice or a hook. As the day wears on, this type of golfer becomes more and more frustrated with each and every mistake, which increasingly becomes every stroke. He has a knack for forgetting how many strokes he had on the last played hole and usually rattles off something like, "Gimme five. I was on in three, and you know I never three putt." Normally the addition of two strokes per hole reveals the hacker's true score.
Wacking Weekender      The weekender is the more common golfer. He challenges the links every weekend purely because he loves the sport. Usually the weekender's game is inconsistent; he may putt well on one hole but then three putt on the next five holes; or he may crush his drives on the front nine but then slice his drives on the back nine. However poorly he plays, there are instances when the weekender's game comes together, and he pars or even birdies a hole. And no matter how bad he played prior to this achievement, he knows he truly bested the hole, and all is forgiven. So, even though this golfer may bogey or double bogey the course, he rarely allows himself to be discouraged by his mediocre play and comes back the next weekend to try it all over again.
Golfing god      And lastly, there is the god of the links--the master. He's the golfer who the others dream to be like. The beginner and weekender envy him, while the hacker despises him. (This type of golfer I can safely say I am not.) The master consistently kills the ball long and straight, and then chips with gifted accuracy. He has sharpened his skills to near perfection, rarely coming up short on a chip or a putt; and he never hooks or slices, he only fades or draws to dampen the affects of the wind or to simply turn down the alley of a dog leg. This type of golfer is to be respected not only for his ability to play the game, but for the way he plays. He adheres closely to the rules of the game and never lets himself or anyone else affect his play. Concentration and self control are the keys to his game. Although the master usually betters the course’s par, only a handful are lucky enough to turn pro and earn the big bucks to play a silly little game, like golf.